On the Steps of the Palace

Responsibility and anticipation

I love musicals. Disney shaped my childhood and early teens. Learning the songs from my favorite movies turned me into a “theater kid.” Which in a city like mine, only extends to being obsessed with movie musicals and listening to the soundtracks of classic shows.

Sound and words are my safe place. Combined, they are my fascination. So, I have to be honest, I’ve heard some soundtracks enough to make a thesis about them. A few days ago I was talking to some friends and something they said about making decisions cued the music in my head. Sondheim’s beautiful song from “Into the Woods". I listened to it again and was amazed by it. The way it showcases some ideas was very interesting for me, so come with me while I dissect it:

Context: Cinderella sang this song after running out of the Prince’s festival. She is literally on the palace steps and stops momentarily to reflect on her situation.

Chapter 1. Awareness

He's a very smart Prince
He's a Prince who prepares
Knowing this time I'd run from him
He spread pitch on the stairs
And I'm caught unawares
Well it means that, he cares

I love how the opening statement shows her realization of being caught. While acknowledging that he is smart, she becomes aware that she underestimated him by repeating her escape pattern and the magnitude of the situation. He cares… He did something to trap her and stop her from escaping again. He exceeded her expectations and she reads his gesture as a sign that she is more important to him than she initially thought.

This is more than just malice
Better stop and take stock
While you're standing here stuck
On the steps of the palace

Although this might mean something good, it is not what she planned. It is opposite to what she intended for the evening, though she didn’t plan much. Suddenly, an endearing sign of care becomes more than malice. This forces her to ask herself the important question:

All right, what do you want?
Have to make a decision

It is unavoidable, reality caught up to her. What do you want?… It is undeniable. After this moment something will change. This question puts us in the present and points toward recognition. Honesty is the only way out.

Chapter 2. Anticipation

Why not stay and be caught?
Should I give that a thought
What would be his response?

When we feel trapped, we need to start contemplating our options. She ponders whether to stay passive and let his plan work, or continue with her prior intention, quickly scanning the potential consequences.

But then what if he knew
Who I am when I know
That I'm not what he thinks
That he wants?
Or, then, what if I am?

What a Prince would envision?

Three steps ahead, anticipating again. Anxiety kicks in. The contrast between hope and insecurity occurs in 2 seconds. The feeling that we can be certain of what the other person might think creates instability for anyone.

But then how can you know
Who you are 'til you know
What you want? Which I don't
So then which do you pick
Where you're safe, out of sight
And yourself, but where everything's wrong?

Or where everything's right
But you know that you'll never belong?
And whichever you pick
Do it quick
'Cause you're starting to stick
To the steps of the palace

At this point in the song, she is peaking and coming down. Once again, the polarities are present. There is no scenario where she fully wins, making her decision even harder. Both have high costs, one would make her an outsider forever, and the other is her doomed present but safe. It’s a common depiction of the risk of going for something new against staying in our comfort zone.

Chapter 3. The underlying issue

It's my first big decision
The choice isn't easy to make
To arrive at a ball
Is exciting and all
Once you're there, though, it's scary

Perhaps her desire to go was so strong because it was ephemeral. Now she is there, has lived the dream, and acted out her fantasy… now what? Our expectations can be deceiving. In a life where she has never had the option to choose for herself, deciding to leave or stay is massive. All this processing is huge.

And it's fun to deceive
When you know you can leave
But you have to be wary
There's a lot that's at stake
But I've stalled long enough
'Cause I'm still standing stuck
In the stuff on the steps

When you know you can leave… The reason she felt safe to try was the idea that she didn’t have to commit to it. Now she is at a crossroads where there is no way she can go back. She had nothing to lose, so she went to the palace for the festival. She was rebellious and took a risk without a thing to lose. But she gained something, at least an opportunity for something different or just attention from the prince. She has something to lose, she can’t just leave.

Chapter 4. Responsibility

Better run along home

And avoid the collision
Though at home they don't care
I'll be better off there
Where there's nothing to choose
So there's nothing to lose
So I'll pry up my shoes

There is a crippling anxiety that runs through our veins when we think we are about to lose something we care about. It is an easy way out to avoid getting involved with anyone so you have no one to lose. At home is safe, she has no one and nothing there. The risk of losing is zero.

Wait, though thinking it through
Things don't have to collide
I know what my decision is
Which is not to decide
I'll just leave him a clue
For example, a shoe

My decision is not to decide. Something passive becomes an active choice. She is owning her avoidance in some way there. While she wouldn’t be the one to pull the trigger, she made sure to load the gun and leave a hint. The shoe now becomes the catalyzer.

And then see what he'll do
Now it's he and not you
Who'll be stuck with a shoe
In a stew, in the goo
And I've learned something, too
Something I never knew
On the steps of the palace

She chose not to choose. She owned her avoidance but disowned all responsibility over this matter. Now is he and not her who has to choose whether to pull the trigger or not. If her life stays the same, it’s not because of her. He let her go, he is now responsible, in the symbolic realm, for her suffering. The same goes if he finds her and now she feels out of place in the palace as the princess. He is the one responsible for it, she never asked for anything. She got her way out of the crossroads by moving upwards instead of right or left.

The option of not choosing an option moved me the first time I watched the show. I didn’t know what to think of Cinderella’s behavior at this moment. I wasn’t sure if she was a genius or if I agreed with her reasoning. I still don’t know my position, I don’t judge her. But as I grow more and more, I am more aware of owning one’s life choices and being responsible for oneself. It’s freeing. To me, it makes me feel like I am not a victim of circumstances. When an outcome is not how I wanted it to be, I know that I got myself there, and I can get myself out.

This was quite fun, I needed a break from being overly emotional on here. Hope you enjoyed this theater yapping as much as I enjoy Phillipa Soo’s rendition of this beautiful song.